The Wallux and the Seapeter, with apologies to Lewis Carroll

The Wallux was whining in the sky,
Whining with all his might
He said he was the chosen one 
And, I quote, an "entitled" little blight
Which was not so odd because
He was a self-indulgent little shite

"Oh voters, won't you vote for us,
Our eyes are very blue."
"And we will hurt the people
Who aren't you," the Seapeter quickly cried
"And we have gifts," The Wallux added,
Just wait to see what is inside. 

Mother voter eyed them warily
But her kin were keen
Come on, they said, let's go and walk
After all, our Mum is mean
And so the voters strayed
with promises of green. 

The Sea was smiling sulkily
Smiling with all his might
While the Peter led the Wallux around
By the balls of blight
"Come and deal," the Wallux crowed
While the Peter shrugged and said, "Well, I think I might."

And soon the Wallux and the Seapeter
Had become a thing. So now all three heads
Were as wet as wet could be,
And racist as heck to boot
Their smiles as slick and smarmy
As an old jackbooted coot

"Do you suppose," the Wallux said,
His greed so plain to see
"If we should fire the workers
There'd be more money for me,"
"Oh yes," the Seapeter heads cried
"Then you can give the rest to me."

With fork and knife and serving spoon
They tucked into the feast
"I weep for me," the Wallux said:
"Please, deeply sympathize."
With sobs and tears he dumped
Public sector jobs of every size

"It's such a shame," the Wallux said,
"That we can't fire some more."
"True that," Seapeter agreed
"I'd love to settle every score."
The Wallux rubbed his hands
"Maybe next time,
"I think the voters are getting sore."

And with that, the Wallux heaved his paunchy gut
And took his own pay rise,
(with sighs as to its size)
And so I'm asking you, dear voter
Shall we let this monster have it's run?
Or shall we tell the entitled blights
Their days destroying NZ are done.

  A.J. Ponder with apologies to Lewis Carroll and the Walrus and the Carpenter

Hi, thanks for reading. 

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A.J.

The Walrus and The Carpenter by Lewis Carroll

The sun was shining on the sea,
Shining with all his might:
He did his very best to make
The billows smooth and bright--
And this was odd, because it was
The middle of the night.

The moon was shining sulkily,
Because she thought the sun
Had got no business to be there
After the day was done--
"It's very rude of him," she said,
"To come and spoil the fun!"

The sea was wet as wet could be,
The sands were dry as dry.
You could not see a cloud, because
No cloud was in the sky:
No birds were flying overhead--
There were no birds to fly.

The Walrus and the Carpenter
Were walking close at hand;
They wept like anything to see
Such quantities of sand:
"If this were only cleared away,"
They said, "it would be grand!"

"If seven maids with seven mops
Swept it for half a year.
Do you suppose," the Walrus said,
"That they could get it clear?"
"I doubt it," said the Carpenter,
And shed a bitter tear.

"O Oysters, come and walk with us!"
The Walrus did beseech.
"A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk,
Along the briny beach:
We cannot do with more than four,
To give a hand to each."

The eldest Oyster looked at him,
But never a word he said:
The eldest Oyster winked his eye,
And shook his heavy head--
Meaning to say he did not choose
To leave the oyster-bed.

But four young Oysters hurried up,
All eager for the treat:
Their coats were brushed, their faces washed,
Their shoes were clean and neat--
And this was odd, because, you know,
They hadn't any feet.

Four other Oysters followed them,
And yet another four;
And thick and fast they came at last,
And more, and more, and more--
All hopping through the frothy waves,
And scrambling to the shore.


The Walrus and the Carpenter
Walked on a mile or so,
And then they rested on a rock
Conveniently low:
And all the little Oysters stood
And waited in a row.

"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings."

"But wait a bit," the Oysters cried,
"Before we have our chat;
For some of us are out of breath,
And all of us are fat!"
"No hurry!" said the Carpenter.
They thanked him much for that.

"A loaf of bread," the Walrus said,
"Is what we chiefly need:
Pepper and vinegar besides
Are very good indeed--
Now if you're ready, Oysters dear,
We can begin to feed."

"But not on us!" the Oysters cried,
Turning a little blue.
"After such kindness, that would be
A dismal thing to do!"
"The night is fine," the Walrus said.
"Do you admire the view?


"It was so kind of you to come!
And you are very nice!"
The Carpenter said nothing but
"Cut us another slice:
I wish you were not quite so deaf--
I've had to ask you twice!"

"It seems a shame," the Walrus said,
"To play them such a trick,
After we've brought them out so far,
And made them trot so quick!"
The Carpenter said nothing but
"The butter's spread too thick!"


"I weep for you," the Walrus said:
"I deeply sympathize."
With sobs and tears he sorted out
Those of the largest size,
Holding his pocket-handkerchief
Before his streaming eyes.

"O Oysters," said the Carpenter,
"You've had a pleasant run!
Shall we be trotting home again?'
But answer came there none--
And this was scarcely odd, because
They'd eaten every one.

Lewis Carroll

I love narrative poetry such as this - and yet although this is thought to be for children and perhaps simplistic, or not as sophisticated as more literary works and yet it manages to hold a number of truths that are just as relevant today as back then - and yet still hold warmth, humour, meter and rhyme.  A lovely piece of fun with a dark side -- so very Lewis Carroll :)


Enjoy!

A.J. Ponder 

 A.J. Ponder's work is available through Rona Gallery, Amazon, and good Wellington bookstores